Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You took a bar mat shot.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
