I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
