I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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