Whats the glycemic index on semen?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
