i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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