Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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