I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
