if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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