my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
