Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
