My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
