be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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