Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
