I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
