I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
