Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
