He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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