I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
