what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
