Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
