this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
