i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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