What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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