this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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