Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
