end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
