so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
