i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
