Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
