Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
