those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
