Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
