she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
