3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
