Is it normal to miss your booty call?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
