Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
