your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
