Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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