So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
