I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
