i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
