I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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