I think I just saw someone hide a body.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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