My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Me. At least after what I've been through.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You took a bar mat shot.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
