i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
