It's Friday. Sex?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
