sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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