Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
