We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
