You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
