How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
