all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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